A lot of things have happened lately, and I'm beginning to stress even more. I applied to San Francisco State and UC Davis, which relieved my stress for a short period of time. Then I began to realize that I have absolutely no money to pay for college, so I started to frantically search for scholarships, which is very time consuming. Also, another factor that is contributing to my lack of money is that my mom has cut me off. Besides food and shelter, she's not going to pay for anything. No cell phone, no college applications, no nothing. I have a job, which I am very grateful for, but it doesn't really provide me with enough money to do all of the things I need to do, let alone want to do. I'm in Youth and Government, and altogether that costs $925, yeah that's a lot of money in case you didn't know. So far I have $460 in my account and I need $625 by Friday, yeah I'm freaking out. I get paid Friday, so all of my paycheck and $60 from my bank account is going to Youth and Government. And I know it'll be worth it in the end because Y&G is one of the best things I've ever done, it just sucks ass not to have any money. And I'm trying to get a pre-paid phone, because not having a phone at all is very inconvenient. When your parents pay for everything for you, $20 here, $30 there, seems like nothing. When you have to pay for everything yourself, it's a lot of money. Priorities are a bitch. I know that college applications and Youth and Government come first, and going to the movies etc. comes second, but I still want to be a kid. I want to have fun before I go to college and leave my friends, but that's so hard to do when everyone around you is stressing because of college and everyone is broke and doesn't have the time to do anything. Not to mention, my ovaries are relentless and won't stop torturing me.
The only thing that can calm me down and make me happy right now is playing my guitar. I find myself playing guitar for hours, whether I'm writing a song or just messing around. I love the feeling of being able to contribute to society, in some strange and weird way. I feel like I have something to offer to people, like if I can't do anything else like go to college or get a career that'll change the world, I can play my music. I can make myself happy and hopefully do the same for those around me. I don't know, I'll just be glad when I have the major things paid off, and then I can start saving for the most important things: a car and Coachella Fest tickets.
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